I hate that this blog gets used so much as a place for me to whine and cry, but I can’t help it. I don’t really feel like I have another outlet to get out my frustrations, so they end up here. And I really do edit myself a lot…I don’t share a lot, just when it gets to be so much that it bubbles over. And with that, obviously I am frustrated and it is bubbling over.
I am pretty sure that I need to do more to get work. I get so bogged down in the every day that constantly looking for writing jobs gets overwhelming, and I shut down and just do what I already have. But I need to really start contributing to the finances of my family. I need to do that so that when that person that I love that is living with me (not my hubby) starts in on me (which, honestly, is almost daily), I can just say–move out. We get along a LOT better when you don’t live with me. I know that her life in the past several years hasn’t been great. She is depressed. But, OMG!!! I am so tired of being the target of her anger. Or if she is mad at my hubby, well, she never tells him–she just tells me. And it’s very passive-aggressive, which makes it really hard, because I never know what to expect when talking to her.
And I am pretty sure that this is part of the reason my daughter moved out. Not all of it–I realize that she’s 20 and needs to be on her own, but I also know that she was the brunt of some of that anger.
I guess the bottom line is that my household is not a great place to be. It certainly isn’t always a healthy and loving place. I try to extend my love, but something has to change here. I can’t keep doing this and I don’t want my son to grow up with all this negativity.
So, I need to really start working and contributing. I am a good writer. I know I can do it, I just get frustrated with trying to sell myself. But I need to do something because I am tired of hiding out in my room (which doesn’t seem to matter–it seems to be ok for people to walk in and start in on me).
Sigh…
